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March 13 Moving Day.So Windows live spaces doesn't work so well with a macintosh style tv-typewriter, which is what I generally use to blarg- therefore the blarg must move. I am not technically savvy enough to try and use html to get my blogs to look halfway normal. I like nice. and. user. friendly. Plus spaces doesn't work 3/4 of the time. Sorry Spaces. I've converted to Macintoshism. So. You can find me at --->THE NEW BLOG<--- (http://domestica79.blogspot.com) and hopefully it will be the last time I'll have to move the blog & start over. I hope you'll come visit me there! Cheers! Chelle February 29 Goils Day Out, man.We went to the optometrist!! (and lunch & shopping). Nothing is more fun than trying on all of the glasses, though. Really. Nothing is. Poor Libby didn't end up even needing glasses. She was muy disappointed.  Libby Librarian. Super Hero Incognito.  Same as mine.. think of how awesome it would be for us to have matching glasses. It's every child's dream come true.  Must always try on the red ones and pretend to be Sally Jesse. "Who is Sally Jess Raphael, Mom?" "Shush. Just ask me some obvious questions and purse your lips."  Dude. We'd have bought these ones. I wanted to buy them even though she didn't need a prescription. (Don't tell her I said that, though. She asked me if people ever buy glasses anyway, even if they don't need them right after I thought that. I had to say no, because 7 year olds don't need pretend glasses.. right?) (Do they? No, Self, they don't...) February 26 Mr Tough Guy takes his Buckley's.      What a pansy baby bunny, eh? I pour that stuff on my eggs. February 25 Updatification.What astounding, world changing things are going on in my life as of late? Why, allow me to put in point form the highlights of my life since my last update. Mkay. -Ben has ear boogers. Ear boogers= infection. Infection=doctors=medicine=wrestling match. Good thing I'm so spry in my post partum weeks, people. This is not something the boy saw coming, either. That's right, Jabba the Mom is no longer the contender. You can't just choke me with my Princess torturing chain anymore, kids. I'm MOBILE... dun dun dunnnnnn..... Right. so anyhow.. The antibiotics were successfully administered through some cunning psychological warfare on my part ("We're not leaving the hospital until you've taken it... OMG.. that nurse has a BIG needle... quick, TAKE IT for the love of GOD! I'LL PROTECT YOU!!!! BACK OFF MRS WHITAKER, he's doing it." Something like that). -I am now sick, too. Joyous joyful joy. Having the flu five minutes after having a baby is a BarReL of FUN times. No cold meds for me... but mebbe I can sneak in a hot rum... Hrm.. Babies like rum... don't they? I got my hair did. It's a menagerie of colors! If I am going to be boring, I want circus-fun hair. That will keep the paparazzi outside my house content with me until I do something else astoundingly brilliant. -Dear Guy who was digging in mine and then my neighbor's trash today... You need only ASK for my empty bottles & cans. I will turn them over to you happily if you don't lay the garbage right out for the neighborhood kitties in my front yard THANKSABUNCH. Besides, it will save you the hassle of finding 93874923874293845003 poopy disposable diapers. (That's right, I'M the one ruining the environment.) Secondly, it's a small town. Um.. awkward. "Hey Carla.. sooo, can you please tell your husband to replace the lids on my trash after he's finished rummaging through it? Thanks. So how is your Auntie these days?" (*disclaimer- I couldn't think of anyone named Carla from my town, so if you are from my town and named Carla, I wasn't discussing YOUR husband.. unless he was the guy going through my trash. If that's the case, please pass that message along for me- thanks.) -Peanut Butter kitkats- yummo. -My boyfriend is snoring on the couch*teeheehee* -I should go to bed. I have a fever.. 101.7 or something. It's clearly making me delirious. Besides, this has been a sufficiently weird and boring enough update for today. -Later, man. Dr Slick's magic cure-it.Well. Huzzah for me, I've caught the flu. Normally I'd use my favourite on the spot hillbilly cure that I adore for such occasions as having a disgusting flu. It's a concoction of neo citran, rum, mebbe a little shot of buckley's magic canadian snake oil all heated up in a fancy crystal mug... I wish I was kidding. It's a tried and true recipe that I've grown to know and love. I don't recommend anyone else take, it by the way. I don't want to be responsible for the outcome of me giving my hillbilly cure-all recipes on the internet, then have some dummy overdose on it. I nabbed it off of my brother in law (He adds other stuff as well- all legal, mind you). It'll take the scum off your eyes and knock you out. But alas.. babies HATE hillbilly cure-all in their milk. So. I get tylenol. BOoOoooo. In other news, today I get to go to the HoSpiTAL and then to GrADe FoUR BanNoCK DaY! (Y'know... it DOES seem like it'll be more fun when I write it LiKE ThIs. WHEEeeEEeE!) That's all I got, man. Ps.. seriously. Don't say I didn't tell you not to make hillbilly cure. Just because I'm awesome, doesn't mean you have to go doing everything that I do. February 10 Um...So anyhow. I had a baby. I think she's pretty marvelous. I'm not sure if I'm just looking at her through those hypnotic "your baby is superior to everyone else's baby" goggles... but I'm pretty sure she might be like.. better than your baby could ever aspire to be. In any case, I promised myself that I would try my hardest not to post pictures and only blog about my miraclulous child's every coo and bowel movement, difficult as that truly is for me right now. I find it veeeery hard to believe that everyone isn't hanging off of my every word concerning her baby mullet (which I find painfully cute, BTW). So I will talk about something else entirely. Tires. We all need 'em. They're blackish.. round. They pop sometimes. ALSO... they are terribly smelly if you burn them (just like baby diapers). You see? I can do this.  LOOKATHERBABYMULLET!!! I'm so weak. January 28 CAN it be TRUE??
That bandana totally minimizes the five-head, there Donnie! Genius. January 25 Dear Water,Ready... set.... BREAK. Aaaaaaand GO. Break now. K.... GO. NOW. ANNNNNND NOW. *sigh* I am so weak willed. I can't even use my astounding mind powers to cause myself to go into labor. You KNOW it's going to happen some place embarrassing, too. I'll be in freaking line for GIANT ice cream and *POP*, or else I'll have just gotten into an argument with a stranger- gotten in the last word and bammo... "Ha HAaaaaa, you peed your pants, Lady". Well why even stick around and argue again in THAT sitch? Tell me that, stranger. M. PS... There are few things more obnoxious than going up to an obviously preggo cranky woman and saying, "Awww... still waiting, huh?" Or "Haven't you had that baby YET?" No. I've stopped waiting now. I had the baby simply AGES ago, but I so enjoyed my pregnant pants that I've gone ahead and purchased one of those water filled rubber pregnant empathy suits that they put on unappreciative men for daytime talk shows. That way I can get maximum usage out of them. December 27 Reese Puffs Cereal.It's what's for dinner, man. So Christmas. It was kind of emotional this year. The kids have been away since the 23rd so we had early Christmas. Then after they left, everything just felt kind of drawn out and pointless. Aren't I a ray of beaming, blistering, skin peeling holiday sunshine? It was nice to see my family and everything. It's just dull around here without the hoards of insane sugar fried under ten year olds. New years will be a blast, though. We did have a good early Christmas on the 21st, though. Everyone was very concerned about whether or not Santa truly does do early Christmas runs... but it worked out pretty well for them. The highlight for me was when they snuck in to our room to ask us if they could open their stockings and I told them that it was okay as long as they were very careful not to get coal all over my nice couches since I'd just cleaned the livingroom. "WHAAAAAT?!?!?" Ok.. I've done worse to mess with their heads. My heart wasn't in it this year... they were already bummed about leaving early. But it all worked out alright. Highlight number two for me was giving Neil his second annual pair of horrible pants. HORRIBLE pants. I just know he loves the tradition. Last year, he recieved some smashing orange & blue tiger striped hammer pants and this year I managed to get my hands on a very nice pair of mudflap girl printed Hillbilly Roadie pants. i don't even think he realized how much trouble I went to to find them.. I had to enlist people. But when I saw the look of horror on his face on Christmas morning it was all worth it. "Do you REALLLY hate them as much as it looks, Honey?" "Why yes.. it's like a Christmas miracle. There are no uglier pants on earth." He may think so, but I have an entire year to find another pair of noxious pants for him. Isn't he lucky? Letsee... what else. I feel like the blueberry kid from Charlie & the chocolate factory. Giant and round, but crankier. BoOooOooooooooo. I drove by the gym, drooling. That's pretty sad. I can go in just a few more weeks. I'm actually looking forward to not eating like a college pothead and getting back into healthy. I crave only junk and crap, which makes me feel crappy and junky... and decent food seems to make me want to hurl and hit people. MmMmmmmm Reeese Puffs...... I've had enough of this being crazy & pregnant now. 39 days to go. Send money. More later. December 23 Update on my adventure in horticulture.
It's definitely getting more moisture.. and it looks nicer with all the frost.... December 16 As of Tuesday I will be living in sin. *gasp*. It'll be the first time in my entire adult life that I will not feel all alone. Including the crapass joke of a marriage. I R Happy. The kiddos are happy. N is Happy. Happy us. December 11 Mullet ManYep. I sent my child to school looking ultra fashionable in his super mullet. This sucker rivals Billy Ray Cirus, circa '97.
 SO. Awesome. I'm the best mom ever.
  The school had retro day. He looked like the king of Dungeons & Dragons.
No need to call Child Protective Services on me. They are only hair extensions.
 December 07 This week's retarded cravings.In no particular order:
December 05 BedrestI've had to sit my butt on bed rest for the past two days. That's been a pile of laughs. Nothing like putting out your family so you can do nothing.
At least the company is good. December 02 Horticulture.Fig trees need plenty of light. Clearly I had been keeping this plant in much too dark an area of my livingroom- because it has been dropping leaves in some kind of Ghandi style plant protest. It was just going to wither away, eating at my guilt until I improved it's living conditions. Damned unionized figs. So anyway, my sister suggested that it needed more light and I can't really think of a place for it where it might get more light than on my sunny deck. The minimal water rationing, tough love program I had previously implemented for it was just not working. Wussy plant.
 Now I jut have to sit back and wait for it to come back to life in bursts of cheery green foliage. Should only take a few days & nights, I'm thinkin'.
November 29 My dentist reads my blog.He must. He really must. I've drawn this conclusion based on the fact that the virtual second hes filled your mouth with rubber and metal and freezes you until your left eye droops, he begins to discuss things that you can seriously relate to with his dental assistant. There you are with all kinds of profound and spectacular things to contribute to the conversation and you just end up gnawing and drooling on the poor man's fingers while he tries to guess what your problem is, ultimately deciding that you must need more freezing. Today's topic of discussion, of all things, was how interesting it would be to be an animator for a living. Well COME ON!!!!! I already have to invent reasons to tell people that my boyfriend is an animator. This is one of my very most favourite things to brag about, people! Hi, my name is Michelle.. thesignificantotherinmylifeisananimatorandhasbeennominatedforemmysandworkedonRen&Stimpywannaseehisresumeit'sonmycomputer... then wait for the appropriate level of impressed from whichever clerk, secretary, or homeless bum I happen to be unloading this information onto. WHY does God or the devil think it's so funny to put random notions in my dentist's head about what to discuss while I'm undergoing a root canal. As if it's not enough torture to have your head drilled for 2 hours while laying upside down. The physical pain, I can deal with. The very worst part about having my mouth worked on is the inability to dazzle everyone with my hilarious insight and delightful jokes. It kills me Conspiracies. All of it. This means you, Dr Blench. November 28 Everyone wants dinner. Including me but that is beside the point. Oh the running around and unnappingness of it all. That is an important new word that I've made up. I'll submit it to the Webster's dictionary people in my weekly email of made up words for them (I must keep them current). Unnappingness- try and use it in a sentence today. Work it in. Anyhow, my point is that I would rather take residence on my chesterfield than cook. Not the gun chesterfield.... Or was that a winchester? No matter. I have no guns that do not shoot foamy green nerf darts. I was referring to my sofa... which is also foamy. Look at me, making all these connections. That's right, I'm typing every single thought that pops into my head as I think them. Maybe I'll sit on my chesterfield and shoot nerf darts at everyone when they complain of hunger..... Fine. It's a poor idea. I'll make supper then. But afterward I'm doing that dart thing. I ate too many shortbreads. You spent time reading this. Shame on you. Thanks for visiting!
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